Dear Emily,
I’d like to tell you about this thing called male rejection. It starts when a guy does not want to have sexual intercourse with you (not you you, I mean me), and conveniently, that’s also where it ends.
When I was 18 years of age, I decided I liked the other. There were no Palestinians at the University of Chicago, so I went for a strong-jawed Nazi type. He was blond (bleh!), had gone to Exeter (lol!), and was really into the latter. Always denied that it meant something but then he’d wear an Exeter sweatshirt, and I was like, “Oh? Ohhhh.” No, actually, I had no idea that this mattered.
Meet Ben! (Google "handsome nazi"!)
So Ben — actual name here — was a cultivated sort of bastard: knew French, was studying Turkish, drank gin & tonics in his dorm room (lolfact: his roommate was an evangelical Christian), insulted me by asking me why I wasn’t in a sorority, insulted Hebrew while asking me to teach him how to pronounce something, said there was a perfect arm-to-breast size ratio in a woman (better than forehead-to-nose ratio?). I knew the kid didn’t like me, but I was pretty bad at “living with” that. So we actually, somehow, became friends. And then I just kept trying to make him fall in love with me (e.g., “Oops, is that your bed I seem to have fallen onto?” and others). And he like, obviously, didn’t.
Anyway, after an entire school year of flirtation/runawaytion, the issue came to the fore when I got mad at him about something unrelated. I can’t recall. He was all “I ONLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.” I cried in the stacks. Then I didn’t hear from him for a while, so I was like, “Hey, are we going to be friends?” That’s when he wrote to say that he, more or less, only meant it figuratively.
Sheera,
I am very busy, with both school work and things that are happening to me unrelated to life here in chicago. In general I am tired and out of it. I am not spending time with any of my friends aside from dinning hall because I am focusing my life on my work and solving my other extra-curricular issues. I am sorry if you are frustrated, but don’t feel like I am just avoiding you in particular. It is a general trend these days… Clearly there is an ackwardness between us and becuase of what I have described about my life today and it is true that I have not wanted to deal with you or address our problem. Nevertheless, I have thought a bit about our friendship and I am still wondering why you want to be my friend so badly? as opposed to letthing things resolves themselves.. you are quite proactive. I know I have posed this question before, but I have reflected on my experiences with you. Yes, I have fun with you. Yes, you make me laugh. But to be quite honest, I have never gravitated towards you like I do with my other friends. This is why I was so confused when during winter quarter you wanted to be friends because I was very aware that I wasn’t giving a shit. You were very right; you were the one who iniated everything. But I am not one to just play along for the sake of playing along – I think you are aware of that. At the same time, I think you are a very kind-hearted and smart individual, and I partially felt badly not forcing myself to be friends with you. Please please please, don’t take any of these as criticisms. They are more a reflection of my instinct or inner feelings…
These are some of my thoughts. They are not complete, but I thought you would want to read them.
See you around,
Benjamin
Whenever I read that, I want to laugh and cry and commit arson. But I’m much less proactive than he supposes. And as far as things I can’t forget go, this isn’t honestly up there. Worse people have entered the revolving door of dummies I lust after, and worse manners of rejection of every stripe have befallen me — though they didn’t all offer the convenience of the email form. Some I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing about until near death. Others don’t describe the human condition with such sterility! But this was one of the worst because I let it happen and happen and happen. I clung to this person because he did not want me. Blah blah blah Woodly Allen joke, the purity of my masochism, & current need to purge.
This is why we can’t be friends,
st
P.S. SOMETIMES I emphasize words in different ways. No method here.
What, how are there no Palestinians at the University of Chicago?? There’s like a million of them in the city… [conspiracy theory forming]
I had a Palestinian T.A. in one of my classes, but he was really hip, and I was, well, me.
Oh I see, one of those Starbucks Palestinians. Yeah I’m not too fond of those, either
Starbucks Palestinians? I didn’t know that was a thing! No, I would have dated him if he didn’t give me B+’s on my response papers while annotating them with lines like, “This sounds self-congratulatory.” :/ Thanks for commenting tho, Aisha!
wow.
(this is a ‘wow’ of admiration and commiseration)
it’s a shame that back then i only lusted over pretty and illiterate dumbasses.
who could maybe write their name in the snow.
if their name was ‘x’.
and they’d had their fill of molsons for the afternoon.
oh, whoa. memories of my own rejections flooding back. this is gonna be a long shittyassblizzardy wednesday.
(thanks for the post. sincerely.)
Hahaha oh. “Starbucks Palestinians” is a term I just now made up, but I think it accurately describes like 80% of Palestinians and probably 90% of all Arabs in the US. Unfortunately.
I mean, “Starbucks Arabs” would describe the Arabs here, you get it.
“Starbucks Jews”=redundant?
lol
“Some I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing about until near death.”
plz write about ok thx